You remember bike races, right? Couple of hundred skinny blokes with big shades? Bunch of middle aged blokes in estate cars yelling at them?
Anyway, back in February 2020 we had the UAE Tour, won by little Adam Yates, cancelled after five of the seven stages due to some virus or other, and featuring the comeback of one Christopher Clive Froome. The Ineos man and four-time Tour de France winner racing the ol’ push iron for the first time since his Horror Crash™ back in the Spring of 2019.
Held together by pins and plates, he clung to the arse end of the peloton, an understandably far-cry from the consummate contender we remember. His body, undoubtedly, all out of whack. Suffering like a mere mortal in the name of the-comeback-gotta-start-somewhere.
And then along came COVID-19 and put a stop to his misery.
Froome-wise, the trail went cold. Even from the conspiracy theorists. Which is odd, because if there’s one business that thrives under a global pandemic it’s the conspiracy industry.
5G masts. Chinese bio-weapons. Virus created in a lab by Dave Brailsford to get the Tour de France delayed to give Chris Froome time to undergo a next-level doping programme and return phoenix-like late in 2020 to win his fifth title.
Is it really such a leap?
Could David Icke be involved somehow?
I suppose Froome could’ve been method-acting the appearance of a fading force to perpetuate the hoax of the original crash which itself was elaborately staged to ensure Froome avoided a drugs test, or faked a moon-landing, or something!?
Or, he really was just performing at the UAE Tour like a man who left half a body’s worth of blood pooled on a French roadside and is rattling around the desert in a skeleton held together by the medical equivalent of garden twine and gaffer tape.
Back in 2019 we wondered what on earth it would take for the anti-Froomers to go quiet. With their back of a fag-packet here’s-the-evidence power to weight calculations and the he hit a wall for no reason and there were no TV cameras there to see it must be a HOAX exclamations.
A global pandemic, as it turns out.
Which is a pretty high bar.
If Froome wins a rescheduled Tour de France this Autumn we’re gonna need 6G to cope with the fallout.
(Top Image: Konstantin Kleine / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0))