Interior design for cyclists

I’m no historian, but I would confidently suggest that for as long as we humans have had the ability to hang things on the wall, we’ve hung things on the wall.

We do this for practical reasons, as a storage solution, or we do it to make the wall look nice. Sometimes we do it as a storage solution that also makes the wall look nice, and this usually involves a trip to Ikea. Last time I checked, however, you can’t buy beautiful and curvaceous road bikes from Ikea.

My recent decision to hang my pride and joy on the garage wall is a storage solution that makes the wall look nice, which didn’t come from Ikea. If it were up to me it would have pride of place on our living room wall, but apparently that wouldn’t be “practical”.

I think what my wife is trying to say is that were we to hang my black and red Wilier Zero 9 on the living room wall, we would have to amend the entire colour scheme of the room to make it work. I sense she doesn’t really want red wallpaper. Or black for that matter. Which is a shame.

Being a considerate type I am prepared to meet her half way on this.

I understand that she wants to live in a nice house with a plausible colour scheme, and I have noticed that the colour scheme in our living room is largely turquoise. As anyone who knows anything about high end racing bikes will tell you, Italian bike makers Bianchi produce lovely looking thoroughbred machines largely in their famous ‘celeste’ colour scheme. To an Englishman like me, ‘celeste’ is pretty much turquoise.

Et voila!

Can you imagine the look on my wife’s face if I surprised her by acquiring a beautiful new Bianchi road bike to hang on our living room wall?

I’m almost certain that any misgivings she might have about buying bikes purely for reasons of interior design would soon be outweighed by all the effort I’d made to match to the living room colour scheme. And the best thing about this? The colour scheme in the kitchen was red last time I checked, and there’s room on the wall in there for the Wilier.

Result!

One thing is for certain: after discovering how well-suited bikes are to being hung up I can’t go back to my old storage method of leaning my bike against a wall. Now that my favourite bike is at head height (or, more accurately, fondling height) I find myself giving the front wheel a playful spin as I walk past it, and running a finger along the chain-stays as if I’m wearing a pair of bright white gloves and checking for dust. Sometimes I wake with a jolt from a kind of loved-up stupor and realise I’ve been standing gawping at it, swaying slightly, and with drool on my chin.

I don’t mind admitting to this slightly pathetic behaviour because I know my reaction to my favourite bike is common amongst owners of pretty bikes. Particularly Italian ones with shiny bits on them.

A new Bianchi would also fit into this category.

Just sayin’.